How I Shamefully Skipped the Security Line

I am going to hell for this.

So for those of you who do not follow my Snapchat you are seriously missing out, but for those that are lazy, I have a funny story to share with you on how I skipped the security line.

So first off, I do not recommend what I did because what I did was pretty dishonest, but it happened so fast, that if I had time to recollect, I would’ve just bit the bullet and just went the more honest approach. So I don’t want to hear any crap from anyone! It’s wrong, I know. But I don’t plan on doing it again, that’s for sure!

Security Line LAX International
Bustling security line at LAX international

It starts off when I had a flight out to Boston to meet up with Ryan. My flight was scheduled out at 6:35am and I work up at 4:30am because I was so paranoid that I wouldn’t make it on time. Which seems a bit extreme because we live like 1o minutes from the airport. Nevertheless I called the Uber around 5am and for whatever reason this Uber drive decided to take his sweet ass time and arrive at my house 45 minutes later. So it’s 5:45am and he takes 20 minutes to get to the airport. Also, if anyone has ever decided to fly out first thing 6am, you and about a billion other people are too, so the line for security was super long.

Panicked I walked up to the lady who was deviating people into their respective lines based on class/priority through security. Typically if I show them I am group 1, they let me through the priority lane (even though it’s not Priority Access). My attempt failed miserably and now I am seeing the line grow full mast. There are 2 security lines on opposite ends at North Terminal but they both were so long, the ends of each line were starting to meet in the middle. So I go up to this guy in a green vest and ask him for help because my flight leaves in 30 mins, and I NEED to make this flight. Then he asked me the question that started this whole chain reaction.

“Do your legs hurt?” I start to pick up what he’s putting down, and I say, “Yeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaah, my legs hurt.” so he goes and calls… for a WHEELCHAIR! At this point they ask for my flight info and now I am already committed. I have no idea the extent of what’s actually going to happen, but I am just rolling with the flow. I sit down in the wheelchair and they call for a lady to push me and this very frail elderly woman. The guilt and shame start to sink in and I start to have half a mind to just stop because of how wrong this is, but then the lady that’s pushing us starts screaming out, “WHEELCHAIR COMING THROUGH, EXCUSE ME!!!” as we pass through the security line. No not beside it, or in it’s own handicap lane, through the line. Not exactly what I was expecting, my head is DOWN.

Then, peripherally, I see the woman who first denied me access to the priority lane bore her eyes straight into my skull and is fully aware of the ruse that I am pulling. I do not dare make eye contact because then the jig is up. So, we get to screening area and I see EVERYONE watching me from the security line just trying to figure out what in the world could be possibly wrong with me that I would need a wheelchair. I decide to fake back pain and, while it’s a piss poor attempt at an Oscar for Best Actress, I make do with the audience I have. To be fair, I did have back pain so I wasn’t lying entirely, but nothing as extreme to warrant a wheelchair by any stretch. Finally get through security, then I arrive at my gate thinking I am home free. Oh no, far from it. The gate agent says, “Oh it doesn’t say on your itinerary that you needed a wheelchair! Don’t worry I’ll make sure to add it to the rest of your itinerary! You’ll have a wheelchair waiting for you at each of your gates!”.

…yay. That’s wonderful news….

Wheelchairs for security line
Complimentary wheelchairs greeted me at my hotel.

This lasted for 4 more hours, even during the flight. The flight attendants even knew about my “special needs”, and they even walked over to tell me my wheelchair was waiting for me at the gate. The good news is American Airlines has AMAZING customer service to those that actually have special needs. Bad news is, I am a horrible person. Like I said, I won’t do it again unless I actually need it, but if I knew exactly what I was getting into, I would know better than to take advantage of the system like that. Lesson learned!


Stay Healthy & safe travels,



One thought on “How I Shamefully Skipped the Security Line”

  1. 😂😂😂 Great way to start my morning reading this! Don’t feel bad; I’m sure all the “good” deeds you’ve done for others over the years makes up for this!!!


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